We have lived here in the City now for 2.5 years and have thoroughly enjoyed it. We live in Duboce Triangle, which is lovely, but frankly we need a change of scenery. Living half a block from Market Street has its pros and its cons -- and lately, the cons (and ex-cons) seem to be winning.
Yes, I am talking about crackheads again, dear friends -- or, to be technical: meth-heads. There is something about meth that makes people so bat-shit crazy, it is unbelievable. But this post is not about crackhead stories (there are so many good ones -- yes, I know this), rather this is about finding a good place to live....
After 2 years of meticulous study, the criteria for "the right neighborhood" are as follows:
1. Shall not be O-M-G expensive (this rules out Nob Hill, Russian Hill and probably Presidio Heights. (Great 'cause I didnt want to live there anyway, see #5))
2. Shall not have incidences of moop on the streets > .5 per block (yah that's right -- human excrement) -- (this rules out the Tenderloin, the Haight, the Mission)
3. Shall not have incidences of smahed car windows > 1 per block/per day (the official scientific abbreviation is SCW/bl*d) --- (goodbye Bayview, SOMA, Western Addition and other neghborhoods I cant pronounce, like Visatacion Valley)....
4. Weather: Let's be real, I need some sunlight if I have any hope of metabolising vitamin E and thus maintaining a healthy mental state. That's not asking for much, right? (adios any neighborhood prefaced by the word "Outer" AND the following: Balboa Park, Western Portal, Ingleside, andTwin Peaks). Brrr.
Ok, that was simple. Here's where it gets a little tricky: the social dynamics of a place.
5. You see, the reason I love SF is because of the rich diversity. Hence, I do not wish to live in a neghborhood where everyone is like me (i.e. a bunch of lame wasps) -- this eliminates Pac Heights, Laurel Heights, Noe Valley, Marina, Cow Hollow, and Sausalito, as lovely as they are...
6. Having said that, I don't want to be in the super-minorty either. Why? Because that would make me a bit alienated and thus, sad. This eliminates the Castro, Chinatown, the Sunset, and the Richmond. Call me what you will -- I am just being honest.
Ok, we are making progress.
7. Bodegas: I need a good shopkeep. Neighborhood must have several mom-and-pop shops -- somewhere where they will know my name, give treats to my dog, and (if you really want to go the extra mile, like my shopkeep does) -- help me break into my place when I've locked myself out. Said neighborhood must also contain at least 1 Irish Pub or acceptable substitution. This rules out Mission Bay and the FiDi (do people actually live in the FiDi? Don't know).
After applying my 7 simple rules, this doesn't leave us with much. So far, I am counting: Bernal Heights, Hayes Valley (which may fall victim of Rule #3, I'm not sure yet), North Beach, Potrero Hill, and Cole Valley. These are the 5 finalists on the short list. Who will be the lucky winner?
Stay tuned.
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If the theory that there's a reason why people self segregate is correct, we might predict that you will be unhappy with the hygeine, crime, etc issues of any area not full of people like yourself.
ReplyDeleteCole Valley - woot-woot!! We could almost be neighbors. And I would come visit you so you could a avoid crossing into moop territory.
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